no flowers.

It happened. ND managed to wreck my life....again. I can really only blame ME this time. I wasn't being honest with myself about my expectations of our reunion (if you can call it that). He knows the right things to say to keep you holding on and I fell for it, hard! He told me just the other week that he wanted a relationship and that we were "talking" but then I find out that he is entertaining the SAME girl that appeared in our bout before. I used to laugh with my friends and call her desperate and pitiful because they had been "talking" for so long and he's made her nothing significant...the same could be said for me. Although, there were definitely some breaks thrown in there where we didn't speak - overall, it's the same situation. In fact, she's doing better than me because she is actually seeing him! If I was a violent person I swear...

But that's neither here nor there. The real issue is the whole dating debacle. So much has changed in the dating world and either A) I'm not cut out for it B) I'm still not ready for it or C) I meet all the wrong people. It could be a combination of all three. I'm now taking a break from dating - how long? I can't say. I'm not even sure that I want to get back in, ever. It's too much work to get to know someone and then you find out that everything you thought you knew was a facade.

I am a firm believer of dating multiple people so the problem with ND wasn't that he was talking to other girls. It was that he didn't know how to manage us. I hadn't seen him since August so why wouldn't he want to see me before her? Why would he lie and say all those things to me about wanting to be with me when there are clearly contenders ahead of me? I don't get it. I probably never will so I'm going to stop trying to understand.

I'm about to be 24 years old. I'm not interested in dating for compaionship or conveinence. If I date you, I'm dating you to determine if we could be together long term. These guys out here ain't about that life. Happy May ya'll. (sigh)